Out Like a Lion

So, it's March 31 and the weather anchors in Minnesota are calling this years March send off "Out like a Lion" - becuase we have just been dumped with yet another blizzard. I was really in a bad mood this morning, I am just really ready for spring and to see the little bit of grass we has completely covered in snow again made me so sad. So, I worked in the office all day and because of the weather no one was in and the phone didn't ring much, so I accomplished some sermon writing, which felt good. I was able to go home about 3pm and my 7pm event is cancelled due to weather, so, I put my pajamas on and I am just doing whatever I feel like doing - so I must say, my mad mood is now pretty relaxed. It's interesting how time to yourself can often lift otherwise drained spirits. I have spent some time on the computer catching up with some facebook and email and doing a lot of laughing (but I'm perplexed as to why my cousin is not answering his facebook messages), and even some praying for caring bridge people I am praying for. What do we do in our fee time and how much do we enjoy unexpected "spare" time?

Fatigue

Well, Friday was a doctors appointment and a chance to check-in on my dairy allergy, etc. I am doing okay, but feeling some fatigue and the doc says its showing. Seriously, I am somewhat frustrated because I truly felt I was taking care of myself through my high-stress busy life right now - I am very intentional about taking care of myself, so I can take care of others - but still, my health suffers. I don't get it!? We are going to try some new allergy meds, hoping my allergies are the cause for the fatigue. But I do need to do more "taking care of me" things. Any suggestions? (I am already good about massage, excercise, leaving work at work (for the most part) and taking my day off (for the most part) but I'm really not sure what else to do). Hmm.. maybe my (for the most part)comments answered my question!?

Thursday Nights

I have decided that I love, and often times crave, Thursday nights! I sometimes have meetings but always I have the assurance that the next day is Friday and I can sleep in and do things on my agenda (Friday is my day off). Of course, often times, like tomorrow, I have a sermon to write and a trip to the nursing home I really need to make - but it just being Friday, totally relaxes me. I have learned that sleep is a necessity and I need more of it.
I heard/received/? an interesting comment today. A friend was leaving my office and he said, "Thanks, Kim." And I said something down the lines of "Oh, no problem, have a good day." And my friend stopped. Looked me in the eyes and said, "No. Really. I mean that. Thanks for everything you do. I need you to know that I am thankful." Now we all have moments of receiving thanks but there is something about sincere thanks (something different than the standard polite comment we make as we walk out of a room or leave a store). I guess I don't really know why - it just made me think: Do the people we appreciate, really know we appreciate them? Truly and sincerly, do they know we mean it? Now, I of course, will go into a sermon here about how actions speak louder than words.. but really, even our words - do we get too customary, too standard. Or do we really take the time to express our appreciation and ensure the person understands it? Hmm.. food for thought?

Catch-Up

It never fails. I go away for a week of Continuing Ed & Relaxation and I come back to millions of things to do, sermons and bulletins to catch up on, and a funeral. It never fails! So, I'm struggling right now to get it all done - and to keep up with my excersice program - and get enough sleep. It almost feels impossible this week, but all I can do is keep trucking along. I got really sick yesterday, a bad headache and a fever but I kept working through it because I had to. Today I feel better but in the back of my mind is sleep and the need to slow down because I know myself well enough to know that I get sick when I don't get enough rest. So, in these days before Easter, when there is so much to do and not enough time to do it, I wonder what life would be life if I had family at home? When my cat only sees me as I crawl in and out of bed at night and in the morning, what would it be like if I had a child or a husband? It just all makes me wonder and its funny the timing of it all as I have been thinking a lot about that (a family) lately.

Racism in 2009

Well, as you can tell - I fell off the band wagon... but I have a good excuse. I was away for a week of Continuing ed/vacation and intentially stayed away from computers (except a quick sermon write). I have been really tired all weekend and fighting a headache, so I just couldn't bring myself to blog. But there is something seriously bothering me...
While in Louisville, I was riding in my friends car as she drove through downtown. We came to a stop light and I was just gazing out the window watching people.. there was a couple crossing the street and holding hands, a child waiting to go the other way, some men sitting on some steps, and people waiting at a bus stop. Pretty soon, my friend says, "that's an awfully pretty girl to be with a black man." I had to pull myself out of my gaze and look really hard before I realized she was talking about the couple crossing the street holding hands - he was black and she was white - something I didn't notice until my friend pointed it out. I was sort of speechless, "what do you mean?" I finally asked. "Well, he's so scrubby looking, that's all."
I cannot get that out of my mind and I am so shocked and saddened by such idiotic thinking int he year 2009. And what gets me even more... my friend is in her 40's, she was born and raised in Southern Indiana. Is this a generational thing or a geographic thing? And why? Why would a geography (the south) that is equally black and white be racist - when a geography (the north) that is dominately white have no real racist issues? It doesn't make any sense to me? First of all the stupidity of racism in the first place and then the horrific attitude of making such a comment. I guess I'm mad! Darn mad that in the year 2009 we make our own differences as a human race.
Are we not God's people? Where does it say white, black, asian, latino in the description of God's people? It doesn't! Because it doesn't make an difference - it's the human race - God's people. And its 2009 for crying out loud! When will we ever learn to stop looking at each other with prejudice and simply look at the equality? Seriously, I don't believe I see skin color... because it doesn't ever come into my mind when seeing a human being.

Temple

Yesterday after school I picked up our confirmation students and we drove to Duluth to visit Temple Israel for our Religions of the World unit. It was a really great expereince. I have gone several times before but yesterday Rabbi Amy's message was about love and she did an outstanding job - even the youth were talking about it on the way home! Her main point was that love in biblical terms is an action, not an emotion or feeling - so we as a people need to act in love. She even brought in several examples of Jesus, which I thought was amazingly effective as she had a large crowd of Christians present and here her point was how we act as one group of people living for the same purpose, to love God. I was very impressed.
Then our group went to the Olive Garden and the waiter and I were having a great time and doing quite a bit of flirting, which of course, the kids thoughts was great. We all laughed so hard and really enjoyed our time together. We got back to Grand Rapids at midnight and I must say, it was a really great trip and I'm excited that all of them are looking foward to their Statement of Faith writing retreat at Presbyterian Clearwater Forest in May.

Adoption Day

Wow! Well, the drive to the courthouse and the climb to the third floor was surreal -Tamara was excited and nervous all at the same time and we had a really good talk about blessings from God, her birth mothers choices as nobody but her own choices and mistakes, and the disbelief of where things were just two years earlier. Then we get outside the courtroom and things didn't feel so great - it was just cold and felt very odd. But then inside court when the judge entered.. I was amazed. Both adoptive parents were sworn in and asked a series of questions and then Tamara as well. What most struck me were the questions asked of the parents. "Do you understand the priveledges that come with being her parent?" "Do you accept those priveledges?" "Do you understand the responsibilities that come with being her parent?" Do you accept those responsibilities?" It was awesome! I thought, "they need to ask these questions of every BIRTH parent! Seriously, it made me see parenthood in a whole new way and I was honored to see it so sacred.
It was also cool because it was the same judge that has dealt with Tamara's birth mother in court many other times - and the same judge who started the process of removing Tamara from her home and eventually from her birth mothers rights. I wanted to ask the judge if this was a great day for her? If it was rewarding to see all the bad suddenly turn good for good.
What a rewarding day. What a blessing to be a part of this young girls journey to a loving, guided life. Amen.

Building Plans

So, I am leading a 512 member church through a building project! It's almost true that I need to say it in order to believe it - but there I sat leading a design team meeting tonight with the Architects... what on earth have I gotten into!!?? I am learning as I go, literally. And actually, that scares the heck out of me - but I just keep on going. I must be crazy and over confidant and maybe I will fall flat on my face, but all I can do is keep following as God guides, and right now, its through a building project!
On another note, tomorrow is Tamara's adoption day. I get to pick her up at school and drive her to court to meet her family and then participate in court and go out to eat afterwards with the family. I am excited, sad, happy, and amazed all at the same time! I will have a lot to say tomorrow!!

Blizzard in March

So, a few weeks ago... when we were having really nice weather (one day people were even driving around with their car windows open) and the snow was melting - people kept saying, "Spring is in the air!" And I chuckled and said, "Nah, it's just a tease." I have to admit, the only reason I responded like that was because I didn't want to jinx it (I never thought I was supersticious, but maybe I am?), when really, deep down, I was hoping they were right. Well, they were wrong. We got dumped on today and all I can hope now is that it continues and everything is called off tomorrow. It would be nice to have another day to get caught up for my week away next week.
No major insights today, just lots of catch-up and a fun tour of the old catholic church with my priest friend. We even turned on the abandonded organ and found it to work! But then it was back to business, meetings seem to be all I do these days. Anyway, plans are progressing for our building renovation and I am looking into places we can move to while the big build is taking place - thus the tour of the old catholic church.

Interesting Confession

Today was a major catch up day and I had a goal and a plan and didn't answer any phones so I could stick to it. It worked, but now comes the editing. Anyway, I had an interesting conversation with a friend today. We were talking about some possible future plans for work and expectations, etc. He looked me right in the eyes and said, "I just want you to know that I am very capable of disappointing you." That was extremely profound to me. It wasn't the sort of of "Oh, I might fail at this so have pity on me when it happens," but more of a "I'm going to do my best and I know you are counting on me and think I will do great, but just know I may not meet your expectations." It was sincere and so honest. Not only could he admit that in himself but he also cared enough to make sure I understood it. Some people so amaze me and they are always the ones who don't seem to think they are doing any good in the world and make much of a good character for the kingdom.

30 Hour Famine

I'm actually not sure how I feel about this years famine. It was good, don't get me wrong, the kids had fun and awareness was drawn... I think. I struggle with what seems to be a culture of kids that have a hard time expereincing things for what they are and talking about them: anything that is, out of their norm. All they were really able to talk about was the negative: I'm hungry, I'm tired, this is boring, this is gross... etc. I didn't see a whole lot of the "ah-ha" moments and that sort of makes me sad. That and the fact that one went home and five puked - I think it was just an off year!? Neverless, I was moved by the experience once again. Although, I am really tired of sleeping on church floors...

Before the Famine

Tomorrow at 8am begins our 30 Hour Famine - a yearly tradition in my ministry - of participating with our youth in World Visions fight aganust hunger. This is the first year I won't be planning/leading it all myself. For the past three years we have invited a gropu from another church (in Superior, WI) to join us and this year we agreed their congregation needs to experience it all on Sunday morning, so we are going there and their youth leader and pastor are in charge. I will be leading the late night worship, but other than that, I get to be a participant and I am super excited. This is always a huge faith-developing event for our youth. I love to watch and they realize the extreme poverty that exists in their world and how they can make a difference.
I am somewhat nervous about my endurance this year though - I am on a huge new fitness program and I just worry that 30 hours without nutrition will set me back or be difficult to handle because my metabolism is so set in its healthy ways now. But then I realize, its a silly worry for me - I can start eating again Sunday night - yet millions of people don't have that assurance, they have no idea when their next meal will be or what nutritious value it will have. Puts my mind into perspective as I get my things together and pray for our youth to be opened and inspired.

Missed Wednesday

Well, yesterday just flew by! Some days are just packed plum full and yesterday was one of those days for me. When I think back on it, I'm simply blessed I made it through without feeling overly tired. I am really proud of my accomplishments with my workout program. I have faithfully met with my trainer twice a week and I have done my 3 other days of cardio. And of course, the scale is going down, so that's nice to. But its the endurance and the "feel better" aspect that I am really intrigued by.
Today was catch up and work ahead. I have the 30 Hour Famine in Superior, WI this weeknd, so I have a guest preacher coming... I was able to gets things done and do a couple visits and now I have some free time at home - I sure love that! I'm having dinner at a member's home tonight and then the plan is to SLEEP before the Famine (did I mention we leave at 8am on Saturday morning? Yikes!)
Sorry nothing more than a check-in.. I'm just relaxed and the cat is asleep on my lap, and all is good...

Go Ahead and Laugh

Okay, I know your going to laugh at me... but as I was driving down a back roday today, I hit a bird! It was awful cause I it was tiny and sitting in the road and I didn't see it until I was about to go over it. And to make it all worse I heard it try to fly away and hit underneath my car. AND I looked back in the rearview mirror and there it was flopping on one side trying to move, but obviously not able. I felt/feel horrible. This is no joke, I really feel bad. Animals have a soft spot in my heart, they are so precious and so curious and so full of life and I can't stand the thought of "what do they feel or what do they think" when something happens to them. I know, I know, I'm crazy, but so be it.
It just has me thinking about the value of life and how we treat that value as a society. Not that its societies fault I ran over that bird, but in general, society could care less, animals and even humans suffer at the hands/actions of other living creatures. Maybe I should join an animal activist organization.. no it's not that I want to get involved with a movement its just that I wish all humans would start appreciate all of life and have a sense of feeling for all of life. Yikes, crazy soap-box today!

Right Place, Right Time

So, it's funny because I have been struggling with interruptions lately - and then this weekend I read a devotional about seeing interruptions as notes from God or things God wants you to pay attention to. I pretty much decided that it didn't apply to the kind of interruptions I was frustrated with, and I am right for the most part. But as I left the office today I was set on going to the gym to workout and then home to cook dinner. Little did I know I wouldn't get that far on the time frame I had set in my mind.
I ran into a friend who really looked emotionally distraught and taking the time to pursure my instinct proved worthy. He was in the middle of dealing with a huge struggle in his life and we were able to stand there and talk for a long time. Not only did it strengthen our friendship, but it allowed a soul to talk and be heard - to yell and not be quieted - to cry and not be fought back or wiped away with fear of expressing sorrow - to opened itself up and not be rejected.
It was a God moment for me today. He was the one with the problem, but I was the one enlightened. Sometimes we do need to take the time to allow interruptions in our lives. Sure, it's easier when its someone we care about - but we know our instincts, we know when someone needs a friend.. and today was a reminder to me that I need to listen to my instincts and respond even when I have my own agenda I want to keep. When its a friend and when its an annoyance, because just like friends, annoyances have struggles too.

Sabbath Sunday

Continuing my weekend plunge into solitude, I spent the afternoon and evening at home alone with my cat. I got a lot of study done for my Lenten sermon series and feel really good about that. I did some re-organizing in the kitchen, again something I love to do (I can't even help myself, I love organization - and once it all organized, I like to redecorate and organize again!)
Now, I used to be a religious fan of Extreme Makeover Home Edition, but I had gotten out of the habit of watching it. Tonight I turned it on and wow, I was really moved by a fmily that truly seems to find good in anotherwise dark world. Their story is a mother who loves to photograph and after their third child almost died of respiratory problems at birth, she commited her love and work to photographing families that are in the NICU with their infants. Some infants survive and as we all know, some do not. Especially to the families of infants who did not survive, this womans gift of photography captures a moment they will never get to live again, holding a child, embracing a finger, etc. I have renewed my love of this program as it truly strives to find families who do good in the world and are in need of good themselves. Makes me think about what offerings I can give on a daily basis to the movement of finding good in an otherwise dark world.