The Changing Culture

I attended a leadership conference this week, it was for people who moderate Committees on Preparation for Ministry, and you guessed it, I am that person for our Presbytery. Which means I lead the Committee that works with seminary students who are considering a call to Ministry. Anyway, the conference theme was New Realities in Church and Culture and implications for COM/CPM. It was a great week of learning about cultural changes, now being a huge technological change, and how ignoring it will only ensure people don't show up for church. It all got me questioning: How can we assume to attract people if we aren't even bringing God into their reality? In a world of text messaging, Facebook, Ipods, and Iphones, how do we relate church and get on board with where society is going? It's just food for thought, but pretty critical and we continually wonder how to engage new people and younger people in the church.

Thoughts on Health

So I am true to my word: I had been saying all of November and December that once January rolls around, I am going to get serious about my weight loss again. I had lost about 50 pounds in 2007, put maybe 25 back on in 2008, but am now actively doing weight watchers again. Today was weigh-in day and I was down 3.2 pounds! It felt great cause I had worked so hard this week and was really feeling good, so to see the scale slip down. I know I can do this and I want to do this for me.
I was inspired my friend, Kristin's, facebook entry about her struggle with weight and how she has become a health nut. I believe God created our bodies to be healthy and its so true that we only actually feel good when our bodies are healthy. So.. here I go again, on a huge endeavor to drop more pounds, get healthy and feel good about the body God gave me. Encouragement always goes farther than we think... so keep it coming, and I will keep you posted.

On that note, I had a emergency scare today. My jaw locked and I had to go to the dental specialist. I was diagnosed with TMJ, I clench my teeth and it is straining my muscles - they are so inflammed it's painful and dangerous. Anyway, I have some drigs to get the swelling down and he molded me a new little devise that fits on my front teeth - it keeps me from clenching. Problem is, right now I have to wear it as often as I can, day and night. But I can't talk all that well with it in, so I keep taking it out and putting it back in. But after it all settles, I only have to wear it at night, so that will be good. It's alreayd helping - but he wasn't able to assure me that this will solve it - they will check it again later and hopefully I won't need metal plates put in my jaw. Yikes! I already feel relief though, so I have a good feeling this will do the trick.

President of the United States, Barack Obama

I wanted to write this yesterday, but got home at 9pm and was too tired to think!

I, like millions of others, was glued to the tv or computer monitor yesterday as America made history. As our first black president was sworn into office and the theme of the day centered around America coming together and having hope for the future, I was overwhelmed.

It is a powerful thing to truly be proud of our country and our willingness to try something new and to start shattering the lines of race, gender, class and everything else this new solidarity will shine light on.I was most moved yesterday during the inauguration parade, when not just once, but twice, Barack and Michelle got out of the car and started to walk the parade route, waving to a very loudly cheering crowd. What a message "I am your president, working with and for you!" Not to mention the message it sent, "I am not afraid. I am one with you." If he is not afraid, we should not be afraid. If he is trusting America, we should trust America. If he has faith in hope in our system, we should have faith and hope in our system. Regardless of my political views, this is the first time I have truly felt pride in our President - this is the fist time I have felt inspired by him to love and trust my country.

MLK, JR Inspiration

One of my favorite quotes from Martin Luther King, JR was in his response to the frenzy across America at the assasination of John F. Kennedy. King stated, "The question is not who killed JFK, but rather, what killed JFK." I have come to see and understand how the actiopns of society are passed on and adopted as norms. I am reading another great novel by Jodi Picoult, Perfect Match. So far, a five-year old boy (Nathaniel) was molested by a priest (Father Szyszynski), and the mother of the boy is a district attorney who knows all to well how molestation cases of young children often amount to nothing more than a slap on the wrist. Assuming to know which priest molested Nathaniel, the mother shoots him in the head four times during his arraignment, he is murdered in court! The mother is so insistant that the priest should not live because of what she took away from her son. Having friends in the court system, she gets off on bail and she sneaks (identity hidden behind a dark shawl) into the priests funeral service and has this discovery: "When I turn my gaze falls on the front left pew, where a woman in black is bent over at the waist, sobing so hard she cannot catch her breath. Her iron-gray curls wilt beneath her black cloche hate; her hands are knotted so tightly around the edge of the pew I think she may splinter the wood. The priest who has given me communion whispers to another clergyman, who takes over as he goes over to comfort her. And that is when it hits me: Father Szyszynski was someone's son, too. My chest fills with lead and my legs melt beneath me. I can tell myself that I have gotten retribution for Nathaniel; I can say that I was morally right - but cannot take away the truth that another mother has lost her child because of me. Is it right to close one cycle of pain it if only opens up another one?" These two thoughts go hand in hand (in my opinion) because yes, we spread the cycle of pain, violence and hate. I truly believe that we need to be aware of our own actions and words and take responsibility for what we share with the world - because it spreads. I cannot tell you how many times I have lost my patience or was too crabby to handle a situation with my five-year old niece correctly, how many times I have said the wrong thing or over-reacted, etc, only to come back a little later and apologize or "make it right." It never fails, the five-year old brain picks up on "making it right" and learns herself how to be a better person - how to live as God wants us to live. We can make mistakes, but if we don't quickly correct them (or if those mistakes are too big to correct, like killi9ng someone), then the mistakes grows and continues to cause harm. I am inspired today by the life and minsitry of Dr. Martin Luther King, JR.

Heart to Heart with a Sixteen Year Old

So, Tamara. The amazing young woman I met in 2003 when she was 11 - she is now 16. I was her foster mom for about 8 months and had to make the very difficult decision not to adopt her. It was bad timing, I had no idea at the time if I would be uprooting for a new church, I didn't like being a single parent (I loved being a parent, but not a single one), and I just didn't sense that I was ready to take that step. It has turned out well, she has been welcomed into a new family and will soon be officially adopted. She has even chosen to take their last name (which is a really good thing for Tamara). We now get to be friends, I get to be the mentor again and not have the responsibility of being mom. She spent yesterday and today with me and I must say, 'I had a blast!" It has been such a joy to walk this very sad, often time, horrific, journey with Tamara. To watch her blossom, to watch her make her own (right) decisons and to see how she has developed self-respect and a desire to live for God, has been overwhelming. To see her go from something really bad (that was only leading her life downhill), to where she is today (an amazingly thoughtful, dynamic young woman who loves God), is inspiring. I take none of the credit for this, but thank God everyday for the gift of being able to witness this transformation and growth.
Anyway, we had a heart to heart today. I shared with her that I will never in my life have a day that I won't feel guilty for not adopting her. We shared some tears and some conversation about how our lives crossed for a purpose and how I would never stop being a part of her life. Then I shared with her that someday I would like to say yes to a child that needs a home. Tamara looked at me with that tear in her eye and she said, "promise?" I couldn't believe how unselfish she was - she wasn't mad that it wasn't her - she was truly glad it would be another child in need! Oh, and my answer? "I guarantee you its something God and I will discuss again!"

Crabby turned Insightful

Well, about noon today I wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed and start the day all over again. All morning it was just headache after headache - and it's my day off! It all went really sour when I called my mom to vent and 5 minutes into the conversation I remembered its her Birthday! Yeah, I deserve the daughter-of-the-year award don't I? Funny too, my brother had already called her and its usually me who has to remind him.
Anyway, my trusted colleague let me know that a church member was disappointed in my lack of response to her father-in-laws illness - odd thing is, I didn't know about her father-in-laws illness! Apparently, the woman made a comment that the pastor needs to be more mature! Usually, I beat myself up when I feel I failed something/someone - And this being a bad day, I was headed in that direction - but instead I got on the treadmill and had a really good talk with God and with myself. And what conclusion I came to is: even though I want to call and apologize, I need to wait for this person to come to me. And when she does, I need to admit I was unaware of the situation (so she knows I'm not God, or psychic) and then I need to get on it. But what I also need to do is develop a system for gathering information on members and ensuring people don't fall through the cracks.
I have to say, I think I would be pretty immature if I didn't come to these realizations. So, yes, I am feeling better - but a slam is a slam and that's that! My colleague pointed out that we can't ever please everyone, that not everyone will like us, and that's true, I can deal with that - as unpleasant as it may be. I also realize this is the first negative comment and comes from someone who has never made an attempt to be involved or get to know me - yes, this person in my opinion is still worthy of my care and attention, but it puts into perspective for me that often the ones who complain don't really have a justifiable reason to do so. But it made me think about this question: If God were the pastor, would people find complaints about that too? Sadly, I think the answer is yes.

Catch-Up

I haven't written in awhile, I am not sure why, because I have had plenty to talk about and enough time to do it, perhaps lazy? I am overwhelmed by the support of my congregation. They voted to increase my salary, not call another pastor, and have me do all the pastoral responsibilities. (It's a time to test whether or not one person can do all the work, but I am honored that they want that one person to be me). I am truly am blessed to be doing God's ministry in this place - these people support me 100 percent and trust me to challenge and love them. And they have truly turned around, there have been some really rough spots in the last 4 years, but they have finally come together and agreed that they want to move on as Christs' disciples. They have pledged over a million dollars to a capital campaign, all while keeping their annual budget pledges up. Truly, I am happy in my work right now and it feels wonderful. I am also open to hearing God these days.. well, I always am (or at least say I am), but I mean I am listening closely. I need to calm down and trust God to guide me, and to do either of those things, I need to be open to hearing God. Because hearing God does not always mean I will hear what i want to hear. Hearing God means truly listening to the direction I am called to go in on any project, situation, charity, commitment, etc. I had a new kitten for a few days. A member who lives across the street from me had three abandoned at her house and I said I would take one. I had been thinking about having another cat for Pumpkin to keep company, but this proved not simple as I had to keep the two cats separate for 60 days (vaccination issues). And I realized Pumpkin is not at all the same level as a kitten; kittens needs socialization and attention, and I am rarely home. Anyway, I gave the kitten to a church family with 5 boys! I had named her Lillie, but they renamed her Toady! Anyway, what is God saying to you these days? To me? I think God is saying, "It's okay to follow your heart and speak up - your heart is good, so speak it." You?

Movies and Snow Angels

So I often get teased because I barely ever see movies and therefore I never know what people are talking about when they discuss movies. Well, even though I was feeling ill, I went to see Bedtime Stories on New Years night. It was cute and great and I recommend it for an enjoyable watch.
But then today we had a girls outing (My mom, niece Mikayla, neighbor Jessie, and I) and we went to see Marley and Me. Now this is seriously a great movie - yes, I cried but I have come to believe that the movies that make me cry are by far the most inspirational to my life. The movie really confirmed something I have known since I was a young child, maybe 9 or 10 years old: Pets are as much a part of the family, and as important as any other loved one. I remember a dog, Blackie, we had when I was young and how when he died it was like something was lost in our home, and it was literally, but for me it was also a spiritual sense of loss - like having to learn to live life without a loved one. My cat, Pumpkin, often causes me to think in this manner... people sometimes ask if I am lonely having no family of my own.. but they don't understand that my cat is actually very much a part of my family. No, she doesn't fill my yearning for a husband and children, but she does fill the space of companion and confidant. Pumpkin is always there for me and no matter what I do, she loves me - there is no treat of divorce there!!
After the movie and dinner, when the beautiful snow was falling in the dark sky, my niece, Mikayla, and I bundled up to go play in the snow, stick our tounges out to catch it, chase the dog when he stole our mitten or hat, giggle, and make snow angels - snow angels are so mystic, I don't know how else to describe them, but when you really stop to look at them - they are beautiful - and to think we made them.. that all we had to do was lay down in the snow, laugh and smile and waves our arms and legs... and it produces a piece of art depicting a perfect angel. Perhaps that gives a bit of advice to the busy, hurried, sophisticated human race? Perhaps we need to realize what product could come of our slowing down and taking time to enjoy the small things in life?

Taking out 08

Last night was New Years Eve and as is tradition I went to the home of our close familyr friends, the Nordlings, and spent most of the time playing wii with Paul and reading a book a friend loaned me. I didn't feel good.. my dairy intolerance has been acting up and as I try to get it back under control, I welcomed the restful evening.
As I was driving back to parents house, it was actually the last 15 minutes of 2008, I listened to Oh Holy Night on the radio and I prayed. Mostly my prayer was a reflected of the year past and an acknowledgement of the growth I made as person of faith. It was also a hope or contemplation into the year 2009 - I prayed about my willing ability to get control of my reactions, to not over-react, to not jump to fear or anxiety, but rather to try and be more calm and peaceful about situations, allowing myself an opportunity to take things in before making a decision or reacting. Then of course, I moved on to praying for others - but only got as far as my brother (sorry everyone else!). I pray my brother finds peace and calm in his life, and that as all the daily challenges confront him, he will confront them with the good-natured loving soul he is.
It all got me thinking about how reactive we as humans tend to be - and I know I personally need to stop and think - let moments and expereinces and challenges be what they are - and simply live and be at peace with myself in order to best take them for what they are.
This could be a great New Year... actually, I look forward to all it offers.