Graduation & Disappointment

As I sit in my office after everyone has left our night of celebrating our graduating seniors, I've got tears falling from my eyes. This has been a very special graduating class for me - there are only six but all six of them have been active at church my whole 6 years here. So I have many memories and in my sermon I was able to pin point each of their gifts and how I see them as a blessing to this world. It makes me sad though, for kids that don't have church connections - for kids that aren't reminded that they are a blessing to the world. So often church is just for "when we need it" or "when something special is happening." I've really been having a hard time with that lately, I feel sad for a God who in many ways is taken advantage of. I am sure there are many things in which brings sadness to God, but I am so overwhelmed these days of the total lack of respect and integrity we give God. Isn't it funny how I should be thrilled this time of the year, celebrating memories and wishing kids well while encouarging to bring God with them into their future - but instead, I'm disappointed at society and how we have allowed the church and God to take a back seat. I'm sure my crabbiness will be lifted at the six graduation parties, but for now, I'm pondering how we might help people wake up to the reality of God in the midst of tranistions within our journies.

Tears & Rain

Okay, so I'm on an emotional roller coaster this week and I want off - but the stupid man operating the controls just laughs at me! How's that for an image? Usually, I am very content and at peace with my life and its singleness. I know myself well enough to know that I like things certain ways, I love my work and feel married to it, and that maybe being single is best for my life path - but these days I just don't like it. I have some close guy friends (all married) and I've been hanging around them a lot lately and feeling like, "hey, this sucks, I want more than friendships."
It doesn't help that I'm also preparing to do yet another friends wedding this weekend. I just have a heavy heart, that's all. Last night I called a good friend of mine and she did a great job of listening, affirming, and allowing God to speak through her. So, I feel much better - but until this wedding is over with I don't think i will be back to normal. It's raining today and its actually very symbolic and comforting to me.

Retreat Debriefing

The Confirmation Trip was phenominal! I am so amazed at how well the six of us connect with one another. After our prayer circle Friday night, we sat there with the candles burning in the darkness for over an hour, just talking - and that was their free time. Two thoughts:
1) "April's" statement was better than expected, but still bothersome. Her church section was a chance for her to ridicule worship and deem it "boring." It was interesting because during our prayer circle I talked about how she doesn't agree with what I give my life to, yet, she trusts me... and somehow, that means something. I don't know what, but it means something. Then Sunday afternoon I was thinking again about her statement and I was really afraid she meant it to be funny and I realize people won't laugh, but rather take offense. (It's more directed at me, but because I know April's heart, I don't take offense to it - but sadness). Anyway, so I texted April and suggested she change it as I was sure offending people was not her intention. She texted back and said, "I already changed it." Well, okay then, I look forward to seeing it on Wednesday. Please do pray for this young lady - and pray for me as I try to best communicate with her the beauty of God.
2) The one thing in my life I have no desire to do is jump from a plane or any form of bunjee jumping. On these retreats we all do the high ropes course and there is an option to do the zip line, which is jumping off a platform and sailing freestyle along a rope, only clinging to your life by a harness. I always take pictures as the kids do this, but it's never my desire to do it myself. Well, this trip the kids talked me into it - and there I went. I explained to them later how truly, it meant something because I did it for them. I didn't need to do it for me, I challenge myself in other ways, but I needed to do it to show them how I trust them and how I don't ever want them to set themselves back from "sticking their neck" out there. It was pretty monumental.

Hope in the Chaos

I have a requirement for my Confirmation students. Each semester they have to schedule what we call a "pastor visit" in which they get together with me and I take them for coffee or anything else they would like to do and we talk. One of my students this year is an extreme intravert, so we have scheduled more of these visits because she doesn't often talk in class and I need to be able to see where she is at. We met yesterday and it was a break-through type conversation. But one thing didn't sit well with me. This teen who we will call "Adam" has had a hard time believing in God. Just last week, April's brother "Adam" was hit by a drunk driver. He has hurt with minor physical scars, but major emotional scars. I took a risk in my conversation with April about God and I said, "Let's think the horrific and imagine Adam was killed in that accident. Where would you go for comfort and understanding in that?" And April was able to say, "well, then I would go to God - because then I would need God - but right now, I don't really have any need for God." It was a breakthrough because it was the first time April has been able to identify a God and a relationship with a God. I was thrilled. But sad.
I wrestled with it all night, not sleeping well as I pondered how to help April see that God is more than just something to comfort us in times of extreme trauma. I still don't have answers and I'm anxious for this weekends confirmation retreat as I know I will want to get time with her and pray I can find a way to help her see God as an everyday relationship. I was really down when I woke up this morning.
But then at 7am I get a text message from one of our older youth, someone who was done with the confirmation program 2 years ago. She was asking if I had time to talk. So I called her up and we talked before she went to school. She was having a problem with some boys and school and she was seriosuly seeking direction. I was so proud of her maturity, she didn't want to create drama with the situation, she just wanted to walk away from it. So we talked and I suggested what I thought needed to be done and she agreed and was going to head to the principal when we were done talking - but she also said she wanted to stop by church after school and talk some more. It was interesting how I was feeling chaos in the April situation, a storm in my mind about how to help her - and then hope - a student who actually sought out her pastor, her christian connection, to solve a problem in her life. Even in chaos, there is hope. We cannot loose sight of that. Ever.