Thursday, July 9, 2009
A Long Time Coming
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Graduation & Disappointment
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Tears & Rain
It doesn't help that I'm also preparing to do yet another friends wedding this weekend. I just have a heavy heart, that's all. Last night I called a good friend of mine and she did a great job of listening, affirming, and allowing God to speak through her. So, I feel much better - but until this wedding is over with I don't think i will be back to normal. It's raining today and its actually very symbolic and comforting to me.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Retreat Debriefing
1) "April's" statement was better than expected, but still bothersome. Her church section was a chance for her to ridicule worship and deem it "boring." It was interesting because during our prayer circle I talked about how she doesn't agree with what I give my life to, yet, she trusts me... and somehow, that means something. I don't know what, but it means something. Then Sunday afternoon I was thinking again about her statement and I was really afraid she meant it to be funny and I realize people won't laugh, but rather take offense. (It's more directed at me, but because I know April's heart, I don't take offense to it - but sadness). Anyway, so I texted April and suggested she change it as I was sure offending people was not her intention. She texted back and said, "I already changed it." Well, okay then, I look forward to seeing it on Wednesday. Please do pray for this young lady - and pray for me as I try to best communicate with her the beauty of God.
2) The one thing in my life I have no desire to do is jump from a plane or any form of bunjee jumping. On these retreats we all do the high ropes course and there is an option to do the zip line, which is jumping off a platform and sailing freestyle along a rope, only clinging to your life by a harness. I always take pictures as the kids do this, but it's never my desire to do it myself. Well, this trip the kids talked me into it - and there I went. I explained to them later how truly, it meant something because I did it for them. I didn't need to do it for me, I challenge myself in other ways, but I needed to do it to show them how I trust them and how I don't ever want them to set themselves back from "sticking their neck" out there. It was pretty monumental.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Hope in the Chaos
I wrestled with it all night, not sleeping well as I pondered how to help April see that God is more than just something to comfort us in times of extreme trauma. I still don't have answers and I'm anxious for this weekends confirmation retreat as I know I will want to get time with her and pray I can find a way to help her see God as an everyday relationship. I was really down when I woke up this morning.
But then at 7am I get a text message from one of our older youth, someone who was done with the confirmation program 2 years ago. She was asking if I had time to talk. So I called her up and we talked before she went to school. She was having a problem with some boys and school and she was seriosuly seeking direction. I was so proud of her maturity, she didn't want to create drama with the situation, she just wanted to walk away from it. So we talked and I suggested what I thought needed to be done and she agreed and was going to head to the principal when we were done talking - but she also said she wanted to stop by church after school and talk some more. It was interesting how I was feeling chaos in the April situation, a storm in my mind about how to help her - and then hope - a student who actually sought out her pastor, her christian connection, to solve a problem in her life. Even in chaos, there is hope. We cannot loose sight of that. Ever.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Accomplishing Agendas
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Out Like a Lion
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Fatigue
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Thursday Nights
I heard/received/? an interesting comment today. A friend was leaving my office and he said, "Thanks, Kim." And I said something down the lines of "Oh, no problem, have a good day." And my friend stopped. Looked me in the eyes and said, "No. Really. I mean that. Thanks for everything you do. I need you to know that I am thankful." Now we all have moments of receiving thanks but there is something about sincere thanks (something different than the standard polite comment we make as we walk out of a room or leave a store). I guess I don't really know why - it just made me think: Do the people we appreciate, really know we appreciate them? Truly and sincerly, do they know we mean it? Now, I of course, will go into a sermon here about how actions speak louder than words.. but really, even our words - do we get too customary, too standard. Or do we really take the time to express our appreciation and ensure the person understands it? Hmm.. food for thought?
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Catch-Up
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Racism in 2009
While in Louisville, I was riding in my friends car as she drove through downtown. We came to a stop light and I was just gazing out the window watching people.. there was a couple crossing the street and holding hands, a child waiting to go the other way, some men sitting on some steps, and people waiting at a bus stop. Pretty soon, my friend says, "that's an awfully pretty girl to be with a black man." I had to pull myself out of my gaze and look really hard before I realized she was talking about the couple crossing the street holding hands - he was black and she was white - something I didn't notice until my friend pointed it out. I was sort of speechless, "what do you mean?" I finally asked. "Well, he's so scrubby looking, that's all."
I cannot get that out of my mind and I am so shocked and saddened by such idiotic thinking int he year 2009. And what gets me even more... my friend is in her 40's, she was born and raised in Southern Indiana. Is this a generational thing or a geographic thing? And why? Why would a geography (the south) that is equally black and white be racist - when a geography (the north) that is dominately white have no real racist issues? It doesn't make any sense to me? First of all the stupidity of racism in the first place and then the horrific attitude of making such a comment. I guess I'm mad! Darn mad that in the year 2009 we make our own differences as a human race.
Are we not God's people? Where does it say white, black, asian, latino in the description of God's people? It doesn't! Because it doesn't make an difference - it's the human race - God's people. And its 2009 for crying out loud! When will we ever learn to stop looking at each other with prejudice and simply look at the equality? Seriously, I don't believe I see skin color... because it doesn't ever come into my mind when seeing a human being.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Temple
Then our group went to the Olive Garden and the waiter and I were having a great time and doing quite a bit of flirting, which of course, the kids thoughts was great. We all laughed so hard and really enjoyed our time together. We got back to Grand Rapids at midnight and I must say, it was a really great trip and I'm excited that all of them are looking foward to their Statement of Faith writing retreat at Presbyterian Clearwater Forest in May.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Adoption Day
It was also cool because it was the same judge that has dealt with Tamara's birth mother in court many other times - and the same judge who started the process of removing Tamara from her home and eventually from her birth mothers rights. I wanted to ask the judge if this was a great day for her? If it was rewarding to see all the bad suddenly turn good for good.
What a rewarding day. What a blessing to be a part of this young girls journey to a loving, guided life. Amen.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Building Plans
On another note, tomorrow is Tamara's adoption day. I get to pick her up at school and drive her to court to meet her family and then participate in court and go out to eat afterwards with the family. I am excited, sad, happy, and amazed all at the same time! I will have a lot to say tomorrow!!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Blizzard in March
No major insights today, just lots of catch-up and a fun tour of the old catholic church with my priest friend. We even turned on the abandonded organ and found it to work! But then it was back to business, meetings seem to be all I do these days. Anyway, plans are progressing for our building renovation and I am looking into places we can move to while the big build is taking place - thus the tour of the old catholic church.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Interesting Confession
Sunday, March 8, 2009
30 Hour Famine
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Before the Famine
I am somewhat nervous about my endurance this year though - I am on a huge new fitness program and I just worry that 30 hours without nutrition will set me back or be difficult to handle because my metabolism is so set in its healthy ways now. But then I realize, its a silly worry for me - I can start eating again Sunday night - yet millions of people don't have that assurance, they have no idea when their next meal will be or what nutritious value it will have. Puts my mind into perspective as I get my things together and pray for our youth to be opened and inspired.
Missed Wednesday
Today was catch up and work ahead. I have the 30 Hour Famine in Superior, WI this weeknd, so I have a guest preacher coming... I was able to gets things done and do a couple visits and now I have some free time at home - I sure love that! I'm having dinner at a member's home tonight and then the plan is to SLEEP before the Famine (did I mention we leave at 8am on Saturday morning? Yikes!)
Sorry nothing more than a check-in.. I'm just relaxed and the cat is asleep on my lap, and all is good...
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Go Ahead and Laugh
It just has me thinking about the value of life and how we treat that value as a society. Not that its societies fault I ran over that bird, but in general, society could care less, animals and even humans suffer at the hands/actions of other living creatures. Maybe I should join an animal activist organization.. no it's not that I want to get involved with a movement its just that I wish all humans would start appreciate all of life and have a sense of feeling for all of life. Yikes, crazy soap-box today!
Monday, March 2, 2009
Right Place, Right Time
I ran into a friend who really looked emotionally distraught and taking the time to pursure my instinct proved worthy. He was in the middle of dealing with a huge struggle in his life and we were able to stand there and talk for a long time. Not only did it strengthen our friendship, but it allowed a soul to talk and be heard - to yell and not be quieted - to cry and not be fought back or wiped away with fear of expressing sorrow - to opened itself up and not be rejected.
It was a God moment for me today. He was the one with the problem, but I was the one enlightened. Sometimes we do need to take the time to allow interruptions in our lives. Sure, it's easier when its someone we care about - but we know our instincts, we know when someone needs a friend.. and today was a reminder to me that I need to listen to my instincts and respond even when I have my own agenda I want to keep. When its a friend and when its an annoyance, because just like friends, annoyances have struggles too.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Sabbath Sunday
Now, I used to be a religious fan of Extreme Makeover Home Edition, but I had gotten out of the habit of watching it. Tonight I turned it on and wow, I was really moved by a fmily that truly seems to find good in anotherwise dark world. Their story is a mother who loves to photograph and after their third child almost died of respiratory problems at birth, she commited her love and work to photographing families that are in the NICU with their infants. Some infants survive and as we all know, some do not. Especially to the families of infants who did not survive, this womans gift of photography captures a moment they will never get to live again, holding a child, embracing a finger, etc. I have renewed my love of this program as it truly strives to find families who do good in the world and are in need of good themselves. Makes me think about what offerings I can give on a daily basis to the movement of finding good in an otherwise dark world.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Slumdog Millionaire
Those of you who know me well, know that I am not rah rah America. I love our country, but I believe all countries need to be treated equal and that all people are an image of God. But I have to admit, as I watched that movie and different tolerances that are allowed in other countries, I felt blessed to live in a country that doesn't allow some of those awful things to happen. Yes, a lot of bad still happens - but people can't just run into a neighborhood and start killing everyone, nor can people beat a child in the streets and torture them to get answers. Our legal system makes me mad often, but it also makes me glad that people have rights and we are forced to respect one another or face justice. Sure, there is hidden offences, but if its seen, its stopped.
This was an interesting movie for me.
Friday, February 27, 2009
The Art of Saying "No"
I still have another full day but I have already crossed several big items off my to-do-list. And when someone called and invited me to dinner - I was tempted - but said, "No, Thanks." It felt great to say it and not feel like I have to accept just because the offer is there. I need some alone time, I need to re-group and if I start to fill this time with accepting every offer - it will no longer be the alone time I know I need. Just to saty home tonight, a Friday of all times, is in itself art - a chance to see what colors are painted in the fabric of myself and the company of my home and cat. I am sure I will find plenty to do and in the morning I will wake refreshed from the quiet calm of my own personal sanctuary.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Pondering Solitude
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Ash Wednesday
I decided a few things for myself: This year lent is going to be very much about my personal relationship with God and how that needs to be transformed - not just for 40days - but for my life-long journey. It was incredible because I thought about this all morning, and then, when I walked into my office at 8am, I saw that someone had put a vase of red carnations on my desk! I couldn't help but wonder if it was a way of God inviting me into this period of lifetime self-discovery!? Like, "here I am and I'm excited you are taking this so seriously.. by the way, I love you and I'm in this with you."
So, I have decided:
1. I am going to work really hard on "gracious acceptance" of a person that truly eats away at my inner soul - in an attempt to see this person as God does.
2. I am going to blog or journal on a daily basis - as a way of communicating my thoughts and focusing my day.
3. I am going to do my cardio training 5 days a week - as a personal reflection on myself as a temple of the Holy Spirit.
4. I am going to refrain from saying yes to everything - as a way of taking time for sabbath renewal and personal time with God.
And 5. I am going to give up brussel sprouts. Because I don't eat brussel sprouts anyway and I think giving something up only to go back to it later isn't honoring the life-long journey with God. God knows I dislike brussel sprouts and God knows I will always dislike brussel sprouts. So, why not call a spade a spade and move on to things that will really strengthen my for my life-long journey with God!?
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Fat Tuesday
This whole giving up things for 40 days: I have done it and I will probably do it again this year... but it's supposed to be something that brings us closer to our relationship with God. If we give up something (like chocolate) and then after Easter we go right back to it.. what was the point? Where was the inner pull to be closer to God? I get it that its about making a sacrifice like Christ did - but the sacrifice of Christ keeps going. To make a temporary sacrifice that has no hopes of strengthening our faith relationship, is really only mocking the whole thing and making a game of it (I warned you I was crabby). Why not commit to giving up something that is bad for your faith - and in the end realizing you didn't need it and won't go back to it?
Then there is the idea of adding something to your faith practices. This is something Protestant churches have really focused on in the past five years. But again, if we add something we know we will not keep up with after Lent, what's the point, the game will just end. Why not add something that we truly desire to awaken within us?
So.. what do I think? I don't know! I am disgruntled because tomorrow is the beginning of Lent and I am still trying to figure out how to best lead my flock in a practice of transforming our individual (and communal) faith connection/relationship and I have no idea how I am going to do it for myself yet. It needs to be focused on gaining a closer (lasting) reltionship with God.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Time on a Frozen Lake
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Down to Up
I actually get to take my day off tomorrow, so I happy about that. I need to spend time with my cat. Sounds hilarious, but my cat is an indoor house cat, and if I haven't spent much time with her, it means I haven't been home much at all. So, I know I need some "ME" time.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Kind of Bummed
And I'm beating myself up over a terrible week on Weight Watchers. I know I will get right back on it, but I'm just mad at myself and nothing is going to make me feel better until next week when I take it seriously again. Some days/weeks are just negatives and its plain hard to get back on the band wagon. Especially when you keep getting headaches and chocolate is one of the only cures!!
Well, tomorrow I need to write a sermon based on Isaiah 40 which in a nutshell is a call for hope in despair... I guess I have some good material to go on.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
The Changing Culture
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Thoughts on Health
I was inspired my friend, Kristin's, facebook entry about her struggle with weight and how she has become a health nut. I believe God created our bodies to be healthy and its so true that we only actually feel good when our bodies are healthy. So.. here I go again, on a huge endeavor to drop more pounds, get healthy and feel good about the body God gave me. Encouragement always goes farther than we think... so keep it coming, and I will keep you posted.
On that note, I had a emergency scare today. My jaw locked and I had to go to the dental specialist. I was diagnosed with TMJ, I clench my teeth and it is straining my muscles - they are so inflammed it's painful and dangerous. Anyway, I have some drigs to get the swelling down and he molded me a new little devise that fits on my front teeth - it keeps me from clenching. Problem is, right now I have to wear it as often as I can, day and night. But I can't talk all that well with it in, so I keep taking it out and putting it back in. But after it all settles, I only have to wear it at night, so that will be good. It's alreayd helping - but he wasn't able to assure me that this will solve it - they will check it again later and hopefully I won't need metal plates put in my jaw. Yikes! I already feel relief though, so I have a good feeling this will do the trick.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
President of the United States, Barack Obama
I wanted to write this yesterday, but got home at 9pm and was too tired to think!
I, like millions of others, was glued to the tv or computer monitor yesterday as America made history. As our first black president was sworn into office and the theme of the day centered around America coming together and having hope for the future, I was overwhelmed.
It is a powerful thing to truly be proud of our country and our willingness to try something new and to start shattering the lines of race, gender, class and everything else this new solidarity will shine light on.I was most moved yesterday during the inauguration parade, when not just once, but twice, Barack and Michelle got out of the car and started to walk the parade route, waving to a very loudly cheering crowd. What a message "I am your president, working with and for you!" Not to mention the message it sent, "I am not afraid. I am one with you." If he is not afraid, we should not be afraid. If he is trusting America, we should trust America. If he has faith in hope in our system, we should have faith and hope in our system. Regardless of my political views, this is the first time I have truly felt pride in our President - this is the fist time I have felt inspired by him to love and trust my country.
Monday, January 19, 2009
MLK, JR Inspiration
One of my favorite quotes from Martin Luther King, JR was in his response to the frenzy across America at the assasination of John F. Kennedy. King stated, "The question is not who killed JFK, but rather, what killed JFK." I have come to see and understand how the actiopns of society are passed on and adopted as norms. I am reading another great novel by Jodi Picoult, Perfect Match. So far, a five-year old boy (Nathaniel) was molested by a priest (Father Szyszynski), and the mother of the boy is a district attorney who knows all to well how molestation cases of young children often amount to nothing more than a slap on the wrist. Assuming to know which priest molested Nathaniel, the mother shoots him in the head four times during his arraignment, he is murdered in court! The mother is so insistant that the priest should not live because of what she took away from her son. Having friends in the court system, she gets off on bail and she sneaks (identity hidden behind a dark shawl) into the priests funeral service and has this discovery: "When I turn my gaze falls on the front left pew, where a woman in black is bent over at the waist, sobing so hard she cannot catch her breath. Her iron-gray curls wilt beneath her black cloche hate; her hands are knotted so tightly around the edge of the pew I think she may splinter the wood. The priest who has given me communion whispers to another clergyman, who takes over as he goes over to comfort her. And that is when it hits me: Father Szyszynski was someone's son, too. My chest fills with lead and my legs melt beneath me. I can tell myself that I have gotten retribution for Nathaniel; I can say that I was morally right - but cannot take away the truth that another mother has lost her child because of me. Is it right to close one cycle of pain it if only opens up another one?" These two thoughts go hand in hand (in my opinion) because yes, we spread the cycle of pain, violence and hate. I truly believe that we need to be aware of our own actions and words and take responsibility for what we share with the world - because it spreads. I cannot tell you how many times I have lost my patience or was too crabby to handle a situation with my five-year old niece correctly, how many times I have said the wrong thing or over-reacted, etc, only to come back a little later and apologize or "make it right." It never fails, the five-year old brain picks up on "making it right" and learns herself how to be a better person - how to live as God wants us to live. We can make mistakes, but if we don't quickly correct them (or if those mistakes are too big to correct, like killi9ng someone), then the mistakes grows and continues to cause harm. I am inspired today by the life and minsitry of Dr. Martin Luther King, JR. |
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Heart to Heart with a Sixteen Year Old
Anyway, we had a heart to heart today. I shared with her that I will never in my life have a day that I won't feel guilty for not adopting her. We shared some tears and some conversation about how our lives crossed for a purpose and how I would never stop being a part of her life. Then I shared with her that someday I would like to say yes to a child that needs a home. Tamara looked at me with that tear in her eye and she said, "promise?" I couldn't believe how unselfish she was - she wasn't mad that it wasn't her - she was truly glad it would be another child in need! Oh, and my answer? "I guarantee you its something God and I will discuss again!"
Friday, January 16, 2009
Crabby turned Insightful
Anyway, my trusted colleague let me know that a church member was disappointed in my lack of response to her father-in-laws illness - odd thing is, I didn't know about her father-in-laws illness! Apparently, the woman made a comment that the pastor needs to be more mature! Usually, I beat myself up when I feel I failed something/someone - And this being a bad day, I was headed in that direction - but instead I got on the treadmill and had a really good talk with God and with myself. And what conclusion I came to is: even though I want to call and apologize, I need to wait for this person to come to me. And when she does, I need to admit I was unaware of the situation (so she knows I'm not God, or psychic) and then I need to get on it. But what I also need to do is develop a system for gathering information on members and ensuring people don't fall through the cracks.
I have to say, I think I would be pretty immature if I didn't come to these realizations. So, yes, I am feeling better - but a slam is a slam and that's that! My colleague pointed out that we can't ever please everyone, that not everyone will like us, and that's true, I can deal with that - as unpleasant as it may be. I also realize this is the first negative comment and comes from someone who has never made an attempt to be involved or get to know me - yes, this person in my opinion is still worthy of my care and attention, but it puts into perspective for me that often the ones who complain don't really have a justifiable reason to do so. But it made me think about this question: If God were the pastor, would people find complaints about that too? Sadly, I think the answer is yes.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Catch-Up
I haven't written in awhile, I am not sure why, because I have had plenty to talk about and enough time to do it, perhaps lazy? I am overwhelmed by the support of my congregation. They voted to increase my salary, not call another pastor, and have me do all the pastoral responsibilities. (It's a time to test whether or not one person can do all the work, but I am honored that they want that one person to be me). I am truly am blessed to be doing God's ministry in this place - these people support me 100 percent and trust me to challenge and love them. And they have truly turned around, there have been some really rough spots in the last 4 years, but they have finally come together and agreed that they want to move on as Christs' disciples. They have pledged over a million dollars to a capital campaign, all while keeping their annual budget pledges up. Truly, I am happy in my work right now and it feels wonderful. I am also open to hearing God these days.. well, I always am (or at least say I am), but I mean I am listening closely. I need to calm down and trust God to guide me, and to do either of those things, I need to be open to hearing God. Because hearing God does not always mean I will hear what i want to hear. Hearing God means truly listening to the direction I am called to go in on any project, situation, charity, commitment, etc. I had a new kitten for a few days. A member who lives across the street from me had three abandoned at her house and I said I would take one. I had been thinking about having another cat for Pumpkin to keep company, but this proved not simple as I had to keep the two cats separate for 60 days (vaccination issues). And I realized Pumpkin is not at all the same level as a kitten; kittens needs socialization and attention, and I am rarely home. Anyway, I gave the kitten to a church family with 5 boys! I had named her Lillie, but they renamed her Toady! Anyway, what is God saying to you these days? To me? I think God is saying, "It's okay to follow your heart and speak up - your heart is good, so speak it." You? |
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Movies and Snow Angels
But then today we had a girls outing (My mom, niece Mikayla, neighbor Jessie, and I) and we went to see Marley and Me. Now this is seriously a great movie - yes, I cried but I have come to believe that the movies that make me cry are by far the most inspirational to my life. The movie really confirmed something I have known since I was a young child, maybe 9 or 10 years old: Pets are as much a part of the family, and as important as any other loved one. I remember a dog, Blackie, we had when I was young and how when he died it was like something was lost in our home, and it was literally, but for me it was also a spiritual sense of loss - like having to learn to live life without a loved one. My cat, Pumpkin, often causes me to think in this manner... people sometimes ask if I am lonely having no family of my own.. but they don't understand that my cat is actually very much a part of my family. No, she doesn't fill my yearning for a husband and children, but she does fill the space of companion and confidant. Pumpkin is always there for me and no matter what I do, she loves me - there is no treat of divorce there!!
After the movie and dinner, when the beautiful snow was falling in the dark sky, my niece, Mikayla, and I bundled up to go play in the snow, stick our tounges out to catch it, chase the dog when he stole our mitten or hat, giggle, and make snow angels - snow angels are so mystic, I don't know how else to describe them, but when you really stop to look at them - they are beautiful - and to think we made them.. that all we had to do was lay down in the snow, laugh and smile and waves our arms and legs... and it produces a piece of art depicting a perfect angel. Perhaps that gives a bit of advice to the busy, hurried, sophisticated human race? Perhaps we need to realize what product could come of our slowing down and taking time to enjoy the small things in life?
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Taking out 08
As I was driving back to parents house, it was actually the last 15 minutes of 2008, I listened to Oh Holy Night on the radio and I prayed. Mostly my prayer was a reflected of the year past and an acknowledgement of the growth I made as person of faith. It was also a hope or contemplation into the year 2009 - I prayed about my willing ability to get control of my reactions, to not over-react, to not jump to fear or anxiety, but rather to try and be more calm and peaceful about situations, allowing myself an opportunity to take things in before making a decision or reacting. Then of course, I moved on to praying for others - but only got as far as my brother (sorry everyone else!). I pray my brother finds peace and calm in his life, and that as all the daily challenges confront him, he will confront them with the good-natured loving soul he is.
It all got me thinking about how reactive we as humans tend to be - and I know I personally need to stop and think - let moments and expereinces and challenges be what they are - and simply live and be at peace with myself in order to best take them for what they are.
This could be a great New Year... actually, I look forward to all it offers.